In memory of my daughter
No recipe today , sorry, this is deeply personal and – this is in memory of…………..
41 years ago, September 26, 1972 – September 26, 2013
This is about a little girl that I was never privileged to see, to meet, to know. Her name was Tiffany Lara Wallace. She was born 41 years ago today with many problems. Basically, she was born full term with an Omphalocele – a birth defect of the abdominal (belly) wall.
CDC – Birth Defects, Facts about Omphalocele – NCBDDD.
Tears come to my eyes as I write this, because it was like yesterday that she was born. She lived for only 2 days. Since I had to stay in the hospital longer it was not possible for me to see her. She was rushed to Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami where they did emergency surgery. She died sometime after the surgery.
One of the nurses that was on the operation was a friend of someone I worked with at First State Bank of Miami. She said that the nurse spoke of how beautiful her skin was, how rosy cheeks she had, and an almost glossy sheen to her face. I thought that was beautiful. I didn’t know that the problems she was born with had anything to do with her complexion, but anyway, It was SOMETHING, something to grasp on to since I didn’t get to see her.
A short time later, the pediatrician that was called in for her – had photos of her and when I asked if I could come to the office and see them he said, “Yes, it’s fine if you would like to come by.”
When I drove up in my dad’s old huge brown station wagon I can remember to this day parking it in front of the pediatricians office and feeling numb. I was going to see what my baby – my first born – LOOKED like! I was numb with excitement and terror.
But when he put the “photo” up – it was not a photo at all, it was an x-ray. An X-RAY!! No photos of her, just the skeletal form of my tiny infant daughter. There was a silver looking object in the middle of her tiny body. I asked what that was, through watery eyes ……he replied, ‘Oh that’s her diaper pin!” I burst into tears. Ofcourse, diaper pins – they did use them – no pampers.
It brought it all home. The only tangible thing – a diaper pin – glossy silver in the “picture”, her covering, her short life, our loss, our daughter.
It’s rather strange, I have been a mentor to more than one person over the years – who have all been my daughter’s age at any particular time. God works in mysterious ways.
Is it any wonder when my first son, born after Tiffany had his own baby girl, my dear dear beautiful Gracie, who I ran out and bought 27 pink outfits all in one hour, on the day she born!!!
Is it any wonder I cherish every moment that I have with my four beautiful grandchildren, 3 of which are girls – and one really awesome boy! I am truly truly truly blessed by God, my King of Kings, my Lord of Lords – that knew exactly what the plan was in my life, and yes, the angels cried tears along with us, as bad things just sometimes happen. But, in the greater scheme of things, untold blessings have been ours for too many years to even count. I’m grateful for everything.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I didn’t know about your daughter. I, too, “lost” a child to a miscarriage though only a few weeks old. I never found out whether it was a boy or girl but felt in my heart it was a son that I know someday I WILL see and hold and love. May your day be richly blessed and thanks for sharing.
Thank you Patti. It still hurts no matter how many weeks they are. It’s still YOUR baby.
This article was beautifully written and heartfelt. Hugs to you.
So beautifully written and so very sad. A big, big hug from me and my love—always.
What a beautiful words! You are a very strong lady! Thanks for sharing such a personal story!
Thank you Maggie.
My heart weeps for you. It is something you never get over. Our first born died in utero at 22 weeks. I feel in my heart that this child was a boy and I always think about him on what would have been his birthday. Big hugs to you, know you are not alone.
Thank you Cindy. Sorry too, for your loss of baby. You never forget.
Thank you for your beautiful tribute to Tiffany Lara and what a beautiful name you gave her! In several weeks our family will gather and plant a willow tree in honor of my grandson who died at birth 19 months ago. I’m not sure what to call “us” but we all belong to a special band who deeply understand great losses.
I’m so sorry that you went through this. Hardship has a way of morphing into gratitude, and gratitude is a beautiful thing.
Marti – Finally returned to this with time to read. All these years – I did not know. This adds to your remarkability. Possibly this will help Wynn and her family.
I’ve talked to Wini since this – I hope it helped too…….very difficult time for all. So happy that God has provided for your nephew and his wife……you never forget the loss. You were very kind to write to me. It means a lot Bev. Thank you. All the best to you and Dave…. Hugs